When Obedience Feels Like Failure

We just returned from our furlough to America. We don't really have a set schedule for furlough, we just go back when we feel like God is telling us to, so it has been about two years since we were in the states. Our main reason for going back on furlough was to build our network and ask more people to partner with us. Well - here's the thing.... we sort of didn't. Womp. Womp. Yep, we know.

We met with a lot of new people and made a lot of great connections. We truly enjoyed our time in Charlotte and it was so great to reconnect with old friends and share time around the table with so many people. But on the flight out of Charlotte, when Bill + I had the chance to finally sit and chat, I said to him, "You know, I really can't believe it but every single time we were meeting with someone I heard God tell me not to ask them to partner." Bill looked at me wide-eyed and said, "Yep! Me too!" and then we both expressed our - "what the heck is God doing" thoughts to each other, exasperated that he would clearly speak to both of us, in the moment telling us both not to ask people into partnership. In fact, in our entire time in Charlotte (7 weeks!) we only (both) felt God clearly say to ask ONE person to partner with us. We're still waiting to hear back from that one person, but miraculously three other people (whom we never asked!) decided to partner with us while we were there. As amazing as that is, however, we're still left with a massive bill from furlough that is weighing heavily on us as the interest-free time period begins to tick closer to the end date.

Furlough Fun

Fast forward about two weeks from that conversation on the plane, and we've landed at home, riding in the backseat of our friends' car that have fetched us from the airport. They eagerly ask us, "Well, how did it go!?" We share the story of God telling us not to ask people and we can tell by the looks on their faces that they're as shocked as we are. But the four of us agree - welp, God's going to do something amazing! (to which I chime in, sooner rather than later would be niiiiiiccceeee)

The next morning at church we're in the middle of worship and the lyrics say, "I sought the Lord, and he heard, and he answered... that's why I trust him." (It's the bridge to THIS song if you want to listen- good song!) And I just start bawling. Because God is there with me while I worship, pointing to the words on the screen and basically raising his eyebrows at me giving me the 'parent' look. Every time we met with someone I would seek God at some point in our meeting. Every meeting we had with someone God heard me and he answered. His answer was: "Don't ask them to partner, just connect with them."  There in that moment on Sunday morning, He was reminding me I could trust him.

💚 our Church

Then during the preach the speaker was sharing about how she was seeking God while she was sitting and looking at the ocean, and she thought she heard from Him just as a whale breached. So she asked God to show her another whale as confirmation of what she was hearing. (It's whale season here right now, so that's not a far-fetched ask). She waited and waited and then heard a splash very close to where she was sitting, and right down in front of her was a huge pod of dolphins. And in that moment she heard God say to her, "Don't be so focused on the big things that are far off that you miss the smaller things right in front of you." And there it was again. God speaking straight to me through her story. That massive bill that is such a big thing in my head had been taking up too much rent, so I resolved to focus on what was in front of us.

Captured from our veranda 🐋

That whole next week {seemingly} random little blessings kept coming our way. On the way home from youth, Owen was told he didn't need to pay the transport fee. I was offered a free ticket to a women's conference in Durban. Bill + I were both offered free tickets (and lodging!) to a week-long global leader's conference in Johannesburg. On the way home from Owen's frisbee tournament we stopped to grab a quick burger and the manager gave us a free (massive) dessert.  Those things are pretty small in comparison to the bill looming over our heads - but they're also reminders of His faithfulness. Reminders that he's got the small things right in front of us, so why wouldn't he have the big thing out on the distance?

When I began looking for flights to head back in December (we have to leave SA before Jan because of a visa thing) they were going for $1900 per person. I was completely defeated. Here we are still having to pay off our last furlough, and yet we'll have to rack up another bill for this trip just a few months later?! Ooof. Then one day I checked the points + miles flight tracker and randomly typed in Cape Town as the departure point just to see what would happen. Wouldn't you know, I found flights from Cape Town to Charlotte (with only one quick layover) for 120K points + $362 for all four of us, total!  We have hardly any points left because we just used so many for the last trip- but we had enough for that. I typically wouldn't even search for Cape Town flights because it's easier for us to get to Johannesburg from where we live - but at that price (which we had!) we could figure out how to get down to Cape Town. Another huge sign that God isn't going to let us down. Then I searched flights to Cape Town from here on the South Coast and they weren't super cheap, still cheaper than flying from Jo'burg, but not cheap and I'll admit I got nervous. Then we got the brilliant idea to rent a car, found a $300 credit for a car rental on one of our travel cards, and booked a one-way, one-week rental for $127. Another sign. Even in the R20 payment Owen didn't have to pay for transport (that's a little more than $1) was a reminder that as we are obedient to the Father and sensitive to the guidance of the Spirit, the promises he's made will come. We know, 100% without a doubt, that this is where we are supposed to be, and that means that he would not leave us hanging out to dry. 

As we 'patiently wait and trust in the Lord,' the poo has also sort of hit the fan in a lot of ways. In our first two weeks back our (glass) shower door fell off its rollers (rusted out from the sea air), one of our outlets somehow became almost completely unwired and rusted and needed re-wiring, a guy reversed into us going through a green light at an intersection (he didn't have insurance and we need a new bumper now), and our kitchen sink (which is also where our washing machine drain feeds into) is totally clogged and we haven't been able to wash laundry or do dishes properly for three days because it all just spills out into our cupboard when we run the water. It has not been easy to keep our eyes on the prize (Jesus). But the other day in church our pastor said another thing that just put the cherry on top of all this - - this processing furlough and figuring it all out. He said, "Being persistent in paying attention to the Spirit will lead to fruit." Which (I'm even still realizing as I type this!) brings it full circle to something another person said to us on our last Sunday in Charlotte. He said as he was praying for us, God told him this would be a season in which we see fruit + reap harvest.  

So, for now, that's the testimony. Furlough didn't go at all how we thought it would. But we sought God, he heard, he answered and we obeyed. So that's why we trust him. We will be persistent in paying attention to the spirit. We're confident the bills will get paid before the interest hits. We're confident that more people will join in this ministry and partner with us. We're confident we'll find housing for this next furlough. We're confident our visas will get sorted without a hitch. We're confident the funds we raise will go beyond what we need so we can put more into our ministries here and even some into savings. We're confident we have his favor because we're smack in the middle of obedience in the things he's called us to do. While this testimony isn't over yet, I really felt led to share this in case it encourages you - in whatever season you may find yourself. If you're trusting God for something BIG, remember to look for his provision in the smaller things too. If you're waiting for him to come through on something, maybe look for it in ways that you might not expect and rest assured that as you're obedient to the things he has called you to, he will always keep his promises, in his time.